It's Okay, Life Goes On .

Well, as I've just noticed, I seem to have niglected to mention that Ryan and I are threw. Don't fret, it's not because we had a fight or because we have developped a hatrid, but because we simply didnt get a chance to see each other. Living a while away from each other, time was hard to find. It really is too bad because I did like him, as a matter of fact, I still do. But, I will not fret or dwell, because life goes on. I am still in my mid teenage years, therefor I will find some other fish in this sea we call Earth. But for now? I am a happy flirt ! :) haha. Well, it's just a lil over midnight, therefor I should be guetting to bed. Ciao! :) xox

It's Okay, Life Goes On .

Okay well in my previous post, I have forgotten to mention that my dream boy & I are threw. Not because we had a fight, or because we suddently devolloped a hatrid, but because we never really got a chance to hang out. Sad, really, because I did like him a hole lot. But you know what? It's alright, and I'm okay. :) Life goes on, even through hard times.  Anyways, its just a little over midnight. So, goodbye :)

First Opperation !

Okay, so usually, you get your tonsils and adenoids out when your around the age of 7, if needed. Well, thats not the case for me. I am now 15, and my tonsils have been bothering me for as long as I can remember. So, when the doctors finaly decided to sing me up for surgery, I was about twice the age that I should be to get them out.

Anyways, the point is that I had my first surgery a few days ago. Yeah, not the best outcome I might add. Since I got my tonsils out, my throat is very swollen and painfully sensitive. Its kinda hard to eat and swallow. Its a hassle, but it'll get better soon :)

***

When I got to the hospital, all was well. I mean I was accually kinda excited to have my very first surgery. Well, that change in about 2 hours. My surgery was schedualed about 2-3 hours after the assinged time I was given to arrive at the hospital. It was so that the nurses had enough time to check vitals and such. Whoa, fun :D. not. So I was ( well i wouldnt call it dressed) dressed in this robe thing that you had to put on when you go for surgery. Luckly, I had a blanket to put over me so that I wasent so exposed( haha ) . I was doing pretty good in terms of nervs, but when the nurse came to take me in to the opperating room, I freeked. I mean, you get into that room and their just wires EVERYWHERE and one little table that you olay on while they slowly put you to sleep and then pieces of you out. I donht miss thoes pieces, I just miss the fact that they almost made my throat seem like their was NO pain. But I know that it will be okay soon, after it heals and I'm able to speek like a normal person :)

anyways, I'm out. Peace :)

Optomisme :)

Suicide. Its a big part of my life. Some may not know, but many people around me have tried to commit suicide, or have thought of it, a lot. Many people find its funny to joke about it. But its really not. Not to my face atleast.

Perfectly Imperfect <3 .

Okay so remember in all my previous post how i kept stating how unlucky I am in love? Well im glad to say my world has turned compleatley !

Im not your typical 15 year old. Im not skinny, im not drop dead gorgeous. But their is more to me then meets the eye. My friends always have the habbit of telling me that im a very great friend. And that makes me feel alote more confident . And I've realised recently that I dont need all the guys that made me feel bad about myself in my life. If they cant accept me for who I am then screw them cause I deserve better then that. And thats what I got ..

See, I met this guy, Ryan. He truely is the nicest guy ive met. We can sometimes find ourselfs talking for hours on end about nothing at all. He makes me laugh, smile , and all around happy. To my surprise, I was doing the same for him.

Thats when he told me : " Dee, you are amazing. I love you for you. Not for what you look like ( considering the fact youre nine inches taller then me!), but for the amazing person you are. You make me smile and I love that. I love you."

Wow. I've never been told that. I was so happy. And the better part is no were going out. I love that I've found someone for me, FINALY!
I do hate to brag,believe me i do, BUT I LOVE THIS GUY! :)

Stuck In The Middle

As most people who know me know already, my parents have been seperated since I was 4. In my younger years, it never really effected me because I wasent aware of what was going on. I figure, hey! I have both my parents so who cares! but matters have changed since then.

I am now in high school, and all the changes are pretty hard. I mean, the parental changes. having to go from one house to the next every wekk is pretty hard on a teen. Well, on me atleast. I've been thinking about the following for about 1 and half; choosing where I want to live, permanently.

While I do love both my parents equaly and no one else can ever take their place, they must have known that this descision of mine would have came eather sooner or later. I do realise it will be tough on them as for me, but they have to understand that its hard being the child of one parent one week, and then the other on the next.

My mind is still pretty jumbled from the idea. I guess I need more time ( as if a year and a half isnt enough yet. haha.)

Long Distence?!

I've always been told that love is the greatest thing you can have/make. That being in the presents of that one true person, is just enough to keep you from falling apart. Thats the love and time you spend together is breath taking. But what happens when the one person you beleive is " the one " is too far away for that special intimicy(pg stuff for 15 year olds lol) ?

Something to think about..

Did you ever go through something that you felt was so unfair that thier is absolutly nothing that can mend what had been broken? Have you ever been pushed so far down to the ground that you never thought that you could ever find the strenght to get back up? What I mean in simily to these things is bulying.

In a world filled with love and caring, how could anyone ever think about hurting one another?

Another Year Has Past

Another year has past. The school year has just finished and my birthday was just short of 3 days ago. To my surprise, it wasn't at all horrible. Despite the fact that I had to babysit (in the meanwhile my mother was working), I got to celebrate my now 16year on this planet ( And they said 2000 would be then end of the world, pshh!) with my siblings. I may not like them all the time, but one thing is for sure; I do live them. And although I would have adored spending more time with my friends considering the end of the school year and them living in another city, it actually wasn't horrible(despite things I say to my friends).
So, Happy Birthday(late) To Me :) <3>

Affraid Of Her Friendship

Being the girl I am, I've always let my friends know that I'm the shoulder to cry on. But now that were all in high school, times have been guetting harder, wich means the troubles are harder to cope with; even for me.
**
My zodiac sing is Cancer, wich is a person that has a highly emotional caracter. Wich is exacly me. I take many things to heart and sometimes to seriously. Thats why when my friend share with me the fact that she was suicidal pretty much tore me appart.
Through this time, it was hard on her , I could see because she had over a dozen cuts on her arm. But little did I know it, their was more to this.

She always told me it was because of the guys in our class bugging her(it was going on for a lil over a year). But then, she pointed down at 4 cuts and said " Thoes are because of you".

I was frozen. I had no clue how I could have done anything to her; she was my best friend! To this day, shes never explained. But, although I've dealed with many of my friends being suicidal, I've never quite been through anything like that. Thats why to this day, I be careful of what I listen to, not because I'm fed up with helping, but because I'm affraid of hurting myself in the prosses. But I'm growing, and I'm slowly recovering from the moments that have been tatooed on my soul.

One Last Goodbye

Okay, well everyone has a list of everything they wanna do before their life comes to its end. But were I stand, I dont think I really need one.
*
Okay, well in my previous blogs, you've probably noticed I've been through some pretty bad things. But that just means I'm growing. And the truth is, I'm so not affraid of dying. Because I know that when I die, no matter how tragic or clicher it might be, I've lived my life the way I made it. And althought the chances are I might die without saying goodbye, I know in my heart that my dearest friends know that if I could of, I would have taken my very last breathes to say one last goodbye.

Unlucky Love

Okay well lets just get right down to it. When it comes to love, im not exacly the beholder of a great qantity of 4 leaf clovers. When it comes to finding a guy, I always seem to fall for the ones who are good looking, popular and jocks. Well, as i've recently figured out, popular jocks and very tall, not-quite-gorgeous geeks dont exacly match up. I mean sure, most of the time, opposites seem to attrack. But as I stated earlyer, I'm not exacly your typical leprechaun.
**
About a month ago, I met this guy i seemed to like. It was awsome. We hung out in my back yard staring up at the stars and watching the night slowly come to its end. I;ve never felt so in place. It just felt so right. But little did I know it, a huge shocker was headed right at me..
As we lay together staring up at the stars at about 5 am or so, he held my hand. " Danielle, he said, I love you.You are the girl that I like more then ever. Your amazing and yeah, I just love you." Pretty amazing huh? Well thats what I thought too, until he spoke again. " I have to tell you something. I'm moving tomorow(today) in an hour. Baby, I'm so sorry . I'm leaving to North Carolina.."
As much I wanted it to be a stupid nightmare that was accuring because we had fallen asleep in each others arms on that cool spring grass, it wasent. Had the love of my life really told me so? The answer was indeed yes.
So as you can see, I'm no leprechaun , but my rainstorm followed by the reasurring rainbow will come in time. I mean, if we never go through these things we never learn. And trust me, I feel like I'm caught in summer school..

First Off..

Heyy :)
Well, this is my very first blogg. Its not really a custom for me to blog, but i figured why not.
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Okay so it was my birthday 2 days ago. It was pretty fun. Its a shame I had to babysit, but when you reach the age of 15 and your the oldest of 3, you kinda have to pick up the slack while your single mother is out working and providing for the family.
**
Well, thats all for now.. Byes :)